I see myself
in the ways you feel
in the moments you crack
in the sad look in your eyes.
When I see you looking
for his car
not being sure if you want to see him or not
for the sake of justice.
I see myself.
When I know you're breaking
because just being in the same place
tears you apart,
I see myself.
Trying to figure out what's wrong
and what makes you feel this way.
You just want to know,
but no one wants to talk about it.
It's awkward,
they'll say.
It's your fault,
they'll say.
It's not a big deal,
they'll say.
But in truth,
they just don't understand you
and the complex ways you feel.
They don't see
the feelings you want to show th
It's not fair
that it's almost four in the morning,
and I can't stop thinking of you.
But I should know by now
you don't play your game fairly.
It's not fair
that you don't text me back.
It's not fair
that you're all the way in another state,
and I'm here,
waiting for you
when I don't even know if you'll be back.
I almost want you
to tell me to fuck off.
I almost want you to hurt me
so I can have a better reason
for walking away.
I think about you a lot,
and I don’t like it,
I wish you were here a lot,
but I hate it.
Your smile suffocates me,
and I constantly think of your smile,
while you were at the end of my legs.
Your sweet little kisses on my lips.
Appreciated every last second
of every last kiss.
The quiet of our moans,
the little whispers amongst ourselves,
and the heavy gazes.
Biting my lip
and holding my tongue.
Every second counts,
right?
Love
Don’t say it
I love
stop.
Every moment stops me in it’s tracks,
and I think of you
and hope that I can stay here forever.
Gentle tattood hands,
upon my sides, upon my face.
I think I might even
stop
I feel like I'm dying
It hurts so much
everything is being stripped away
I can feel myself collapsing,
I don't understand.
Why do I do this to myself?
I damage myself
over and over
again.
I'm trying so hard
I can't
I don't know what to do
anymore.
I'm trying
so hard
I feel like I'm falling
and it's crippling.
I'm shaking,
my jaw is trembling,
It hurts
and I don't know what to say.
We've been dancing around
eachother
for such a long time.
And after all this time
when I'm upset
I still want to feel your embrace.
Right after I thought I kicked you
you came back around
and knocked me down.
You're some sort of drug
I can't explain
the cold winter blows between us
and I see the park bench
the swing,
your basement
and the small kisses trailing down my body.
Missing the taste of your lips
and the smell of you
I'm hanging upside down
I know I'm not in love
but I know that the remains of what once was
still lingers between us.
I still see it in your smiles.
I still see the love in your eyes,
and I know it's hurting you.
Now I'm
I’m unfolding,
Tearing at the seams.
Hitting a new breaking point.
I’m taking my pain out on myself again.
I don’t know what to do
And it seems like everything is falling around me.
I thought I could trust you,
And now you’re gone.
I know I’m not alone
But it’s cold where I am.
I can’t stand the looks you give me,
The way your eyes still follow me around the room.
I can feel you looking at me.
I don’t know what you’re doing
Or why you’re doing it.
But I’m hoping you’ll come back eventually
With an answer for me.
I don’t trust you’ll be there for me ever again,
Years and years after,
I still remember your birthday,
still know what makes you tick
I've seen you inside out,
but I'm a dancer paused in the middle.
I reached to you a long time ago,
until I grew tired and weary
what became of us?
A bad situation,
miscommunications,
I still don't know everything yet.
For now,
I'm just taking it
as it is.
The damage has been done,
I am to emotionally
exhaust to fight the storm
any longer.
Now I've given up,
only fighting for my belongings,
not wanting anything to do with you.
I am not a choice,
I will not wait idly for you
while you decide to make your mind.
I've walked away,
and before you know it
I'll be out of your grasp
forever.
I see myself
in the ways you feel
in the moments you crack
in the sad look in your eyes.
When I see you looking
for his car
not being sure if you want to see him or not
for the sake of justice.
I see myself.
When I know you're breaking
because just being in the same place
tears you apart,
I see myself.
Trying to figure out what's wrong
and what makes you feel this way.
You just want to know,
but no one wants to talk about it.
It's awkward,
they'll say.
It's your fault,
they'll say.
It's not a big deal,
they'll say.
But in truth,
they just don't understand you
and the complex ways you feel.
They don't see
the feelings you want to show th
It's not fair
that it's almost four in the morning,
and I can't stop thinking of you.
But I should know by now
you don't play your game fairly.
It's not fair
that you don't text me back.
It's not fair
that you're all the way in another state,
and I'm here,
waiting for you
when I don't even know if you'll be back.
I almost want you
to tell me to fuck off.
I almost want you to hurt me
so I can have a better reason
for walking away.
I think about you a lot,
and I don’t like it,
I wish you were here a lot,
but I hate it.
Your smile suffocates me,
and I constantly think of your smile,
while you were at the end of my legs.
Your sweet little kisses on my lips.
Appreciated every last second
of every last kiss.
The quiet of our moans,
the little whispers amongst ourselves,
and the heavy gazes.
Biting my lip
and holding my tongue.
Every second counts,
right?
Love
Don’t say it
I love
stop.
Every moment stops me in it’s tracks,
and I think of you
and hope that I can stay here forever.
Gentle tattood hands,
upon my sides, upon my face.
I think I might even
stop
I feel like I'm dying
It hurts so much
everything is being stripped away
I can feel myself collapsing,
I don't understand.
Why do I do this to myself?
I damage myself
over and over
again.
I'm trying so hard
I can't
I don't know what to do
anymore.
I'm trying
so hard
I feel like I'm falling
and it's crippling.
I'm shaking,
my jaw is trembling,
It hurts
and I don't know what to say.
We've been dancing around
eachother
for such a long time.
And after all this time
when I'm upset
I still want to feel your embrace.
Right after I thought I kicked you
you came back around
and knocked me down.
You're some sort of drug
I can't explain
the cold winter blows between us
and I see the park bench
the swing,
your basement
and the small kisses trailing down my body.
Missing the taste of your lips
and the smell of you
I'm hanging upside down
I know I'm not in love
but I know that the remains of what once was
still lingers between us.
I still see it in your smiles.
I still see the love in your eyes,
and I know it's hurting you.
Now I'm
I’m unfolding,
Tearing at the seams.
Hitting a new breaking point.
I’m taking my pain out on myself again.
I don’t know what to do
And it seems like everything is falling around me.
I thought I could trust you,
And now you’re gone.
I know I’m not alone
But it’s cold where I am.
I can’t stand the looks you give me,
The way your eyes still follow me around the room.
I can feel you looking at me.
I don’t know what you’re doing
Or why you’re doing it.
But I’m hoping you’ll come back eventually
With an answer for me.
I don’t trust you’ll be there for me ever again,
Years and years after,
I still remember your birthday,
still know what makes you tick
I've seen you inside out,
but I'm a dancer paused in the middle.
I reached to you a long time ago,
until I grew tired and weary
what became of us?
A bad situation,
miscommunications,
I still don't know everything yet.
For now,
I'm just taking it
as it is.
The damage has been done,
I am to emotionally
exhaust to fight the storm
any longer.
Now I've given up,
only fighting for my belongings,
not wanting anything to do with you.
I am not a choice,
I will not wait idly for you
while you decide to make your mind.
I've walked away,
and before you know it
I'll be out of your grasp
forever.
I hate deviantart. I really do. I should just delete this account, but I don't know, maybe in a few years I'll come back only to come back and consider deleting it again. I don't see art anymore. It's just people posting their shitty ms paint sonic fanart, trying to make use of their lives.
And I practically used to be one of them. Ugh.
I've always looked at the characters as perfect, they're always so pretty. I tried getting into Stevens Universe again and I feel a break down coming on. Every character has flaws, but they always make those flaws look so pretty.
Like, I don't get how they can do anything and they're still perfect.
Like, so many people praise SU because of the body positivity, but it just hits me so hard that they are all shapes and sizes and none of them judge eachother based on that, and the real world is so much less pretty.
It's not fair.